Hello everyone,

We have another essay focusing on two more ‘Poems of the Decade’ set poems today.

As well as reading others’ essays it is also important to know what went well, what could be improved, which sections got the marks and the thought process behind the writing, so this is what we’ll be showing you!

The following essay was written in November of Year 12 and so looking back now there are a lot of things that could be improved. I have typed up the essay exactly how it was written, without any improvements on the left, and on the right is my commentary. The question for the essay was ‘How is guilt presented in ‘Giuseppe’ and ‘The Deliverer’?‘ and it achieved 26 marks out of 30.

I found that analysing my own work from a few months ago allowed me to see what exactly I would like my essay writing to be like, and what I wanted to make sure that I’ve improved on since then, so this is a great tool to use to improve writing skills!

In the disturbing poems ‘Giuseppe’ and ‘The Deliverer’ both Doshi and Ford display how guilt does not only affect the person that feels it, but also those influenced by them. Within ‘The Deliverer’ Doshi presents the product of Western guilt, whereas in Giuseppe we are shown a fantastical telling of a specific atrocity, where inconsistencies in the story revealed the truth for the reason behind the storyteller’s guilt. Both poets use their poems as tools not only to expose horrific historical atrocities, but also to make the reader reconsider how circumstance and culture can affect the guilt felt by the people involved. Does this imbalance in guilt between cultures sometimes cause more harm than good? Ford and Doshi explore this in different ways and from different perspectives causing readers to question their own moral beliefs and their place in the current and historical world.

Firstly, both poems introduce the idea that guilt felt is relative to circumstance, culture and individual morals. A key difference between the guilt felt by the storytellers is that in ‘The Deliverer’ Doshi shows the speaker using her secondary guilt to ,supposedly help those that are vulnerable, whereas in ‘Giuseppe’ the uncle is a guilty oppressor, using his guilt felt after the event to take action. This difference in type of guilt felt is due to circumstance and the part that the speakers play in the atrocity. In ‘The Deliverer’ Doshi doesn’t mention any guilt felt by the Indian oppressors and those involved in the infanticide or patriarchal regime as we can infer from the lack of judgement and descriptive information. Instead, the reader is left to create their own opinions on the occurrences depicted in this poem. This then sparks the question in the reader as to why no guilt from the oppressors is shown. Doshi uses her poem to show the reader that this horrific event is part of Indian culture and that, in fact, all parties are victims, exploring the unsettling question as to whether Western readers should feel secondary guilt or whether they should accept the morally opposite culture. Contrastingly, in ‘Giuseppe’, Ford has written the poem in a way where the moral standing is very clear and the speaker’s guilt is incredibly justified. Instead of the unopinionated language in ‘The Deliverer’ such as “one of them was dug up by a dog”, in Giuseppe spontaneous brutality such as “while her throat was cut” and “screamed like a woman” shows the horror of the event. The violent verbs of “cut” and “screamed” create a graphic and vivid description of the atrocity the uncle and story teller enabled, clearly showing the reader the reason for the uncle’s guilt when the fantastical frame is broken down. We see hints of the frame breaking down in the simile “screamed like a woman” as quite clearly the uncle cannot get the image of the woman’s face out of his mind. This guilt shown to be felt in ‘Giuseppe’ is an obvious main theme of the poem, however in Doshi’s ‘The Deliverer’ guilt from any party isn’t clear. The guilt felt by the speaker and the Western saviours that get involved is caused by the Western culture in believing in their own strong morality. This causes the speaker and, more widely, the Western world to interfere with other cultures, supposedly to help. However, does this interference caused by guilt that affects many already vulnerable people actually do good?

In both poems the guilt felt by the storytellers is attempted to be used for change. In ‘The Deliverer’, Doshi showcases the speaker to use her guilt to save babies from horrific deaths. Working in a nunnery, the women find the abandoned children and Western families to adopt them. In ‘Giuseppe’ it could be argued that the uncle also cryptically uses his guilt for good to teach his nephews a moral lesson. However, in both instances there is a question as to whether, despite good intentions, these actions caused by a person’s guilt actually do more harm to other people. In ‘Giuseppe’ the uncle tells his nephew the story of how he enabled the cannibalistic murder of a pregnant woman. However, he disguises his involvement and the reality of the story with a fantastical telling of it to protect the nephew. Although we can infer that he may have told the story to teach his nephew a moral story, or simply just as a fairy tale, there’s evidence that this does more damage than good. In the final two lines the speaker (the nephew of the enabler) states that after telling the story his uncle “couldn’t look me in the eye, for which I thank God”. This introduces the interesting revelation that the speaker has seen through his uncles guilt-ridden story, and knows the horrific truth of the uncle’s role in the murder. As a consequence, the guilt of the uncle has worsened and possibly ruined their relationship. However, even though the nephew knows his uncle’s disturbing secret Ford introduces the non spoken communication that his uncle feels tremendous guilt over the situation. The poignant last line of the nephew thanking God dictates his response and therefore the readers opinion; he understands that his uncle regrets the atrocity he committed. The guilt that is conveyed in that single, unspoken gesture may revive part of the trust in the relationship that has been lost, though it can’t be completely regained. Ford also uses this line to criticise mankind. The religious imagery of “God” used here is incredibly ironic as although the speaker is thanking God for his uncles guilt, within the poem a priest holds the victims hands whilst she is murdered and, in wider, real society , religion is the cause for many wars. This irony Ford uses makes the reader consider and dwell on the horrors that mankind has caused. Here the uncle’s guilt, although on the surface may seem to be used for good, actually causes more damage. His fantasy story that we originally think was made up for the nephew, is actually a device the uncle uses to try to cope with his own haunting guilt; similarly to in ‘The Deliverer’, the actions taken from the guilt are selfish.

In ‘The Deliverer’ Doshi introduces the concept of Western superiority and makes the reader question whether the speaker, and in the real world, Western charity workers in other countries, are feeling guilt for the wrong reasons. Although on the surface, much like in ‘Giuseppe’, the speaker seems to be helping those subject to infanticide, there’s evidence within the poem that she and her mother are harming the children as much as the disturbing regime. In Western culture it is instinct to protect children, and any time children’s lives are at risk the guilt felt due to allowing atrocities such as these to occur greatly increases, and therefore it is instinct to want to help. However, Doshi raises the question as to whether the Western world should accept that these disturbing events are part of another culture. The impersonal pronouns used to describe the girl such as “this” and “the one” objectifies her, making her just a part in a Western regime, rather than the Indian one depicted in the poem. The asterisks used to separate each stanza physically represent the stark change in culture that the girl experiences, being forced into a world where she still won’t feel she belongs. Finally, the irony of the familial imagery of the convent further perpetuates and highlights the lack of family and belonging that the girl has experienced. Doshi makes the reader question their own sense of Western superiority, exploring whether the guilt felt that atrocities occur in other cultures is the right thing to feel. Should Westerners feel guilty for intervening in other cultures even if the regimes are incredibly horrific? Perhaps Western guilt is misplaced.

Although in ‘The Deliverer’ and ‘Giuseppe’ Doshi and Ford present guilt in wildly different circumstances, they both explore guilt in the face of atrocity; they ask important moral questions and ask readers to reconsider their own morals, beliefs and culture, reminding the reader that guilt does not only affect those that feel it, but also those that this guilt affects for better, or for worse.

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Thesis statement to begin that has evolved by the conclusion. I remember when writing this I struggled to communicate what I meant to say clearly, as you will see throughout, and so some points don’t make complete grammatical sense or are a bit wordy such as “those influenced by them”.

Questions can be a useful tool to engage the reader.

Another example of wordiness! I think this got better and gets better simply by practice.

This could have been explained further. For example, secondary guilt regarding what? Or, what specifically about morally opposite cultures?

Comparative language analysis. The point made about the image being stuck in the uncle’s mind and the acknowledgement of a frame structure could have been explored further through more analysis. Time of course is a huge factor in what can be explored more and what can be mentioned and left. I think the skill of deciding which point is which is difficult to grasp and constantly developing!

Like I mentioned in the introduction, I repeat a lot of ideas, words and phrases throughout and the whole essay is quite wordy, as shown in this section particularly. To combat this, experience in writing helps, but also checking the essay over at the end would have allowed me to reword many phrases – this is obviously limited by time.

This point needs some evidence, either from the text or from the real world.

Another example of bad grammar and my thoughts not transferring to the page correctly, making the sentence clunky! With the knowledge I now have, I could have written ‘The storytellers in both poems attempt to use their feelings of guilt as tools to implement change’. This isn’t much of a difference, but a lot cleaner and easier to read.

This point should have been evidenced with a quote from ‘Giuseppe’. As well as supporting my argument, it would have lead into a section of deep language, and possibly structure, analysis.

Here the relationship between the reader and the speaker is discussed, as well as the effect on the reader.

Explaining this point further would have been helpful as it is slightly too ambiguous. I could have gone on to say what this teaches the reader, and why the poet shows this. e.g. ‘… implying that, ultimately, guilt may be able to evoke change in the future, but can’t alleviate pain from the past. Guilt doesn’t excuse the offender from the crimes they have committed.’

Comment from marking: this here is a “great argument” in relation to ‘Giuseppe’ on it’s own, however when ‘The Deliverer’ is compared, a stronger comparative argument is needed. The comparison needed to have been further explained.

I needed to explain further! I remember at the time struggling to put my thought into words so it comes across as muddled. What was meant was: ‘are Western ‘saviours’ helping because they genuinely want to improve the lives of others, or do they want to help to boost their own pride?‘ The idea comes from the concept of a ‘saviour complex’.

A textual example would have been useful here.

I was told that this section here is what put the essay into level 5 and therefore into the A* range. It links analysis of language and structure as well as effect on the reader. It also creates a conceptual argument. A target for me then was to carry this quality into the rest of the essay.

Another target was to work on my conclusions having a greater impact.